Scathing Book Reviews of Breaking Dawn (Book 4 of the Twilight Saga) by Stephenie Meyer

Breaking Dawn, the finale to the Twilight Saga, by Stephenie Meyer, ends a series of books popular to teenage girls of all ages and sexes.  I have read the synopsis myself and I have to say that the ending is not what most readers would come to expect, and one that most parents would not encourage for their children.

SPOILER ALERT

All I can say is, any book that ends with a teenage girl married to an undead 100 year old teenage boy, who impregnates her even though he has no “precious fluids”, which leads her to give birth to a vampire child and then become undead herself…  Well let’s just say that Bella isn’t a great role model. Friends don’t let friends become undead mothers.

END SPOILERS

These Scathing Book Reviews of Breaking Dawn think that Stephenie Meyer should have titled it “Breaking Down”:

The Twilight series has never been great– it’s been sloppily-written, almost plot-less, and incredibly cheesy– but it’s been a guilty pleasure. Or at least the first book was. New Moon was bad, Eclipse was worse, and now Breaking Dawn is the cherry on top of the really horrible sundae. It rapidly goes from unintentionally hilarious, to awful, to leaving the reader wondering how it ever got published

…and:

Everyone who hasn’t purchased the book yet, don’t bother. You can probably find a few thousand copies at any local dumpster.

…and:

 I think a lot of fans, die hards and those (like me) who just like to read a good book or series, woke up this morning thinking, “What was she thinking when she wrote this?”

…and:

I must admit that I was one of those screaming girls last night (early early early this morning!!!) who had to be one of the first in line to purchase (PRE-purchase!!) “Breaking Dawn”. I wish I had gone to bed instead!

…and a SPOILERISH excerpt from a very long, good, but R-rated review:

Further about the sex. Edward apparently just can’t control himself after the sex, and eats the pillows, tearing them to shreds. The second time he attacks the headboard. Judge that one for yourself. I find it ridiculous.

…and:

No more flinching, wincing, or cringing for me. Stephanie Meyer, I’m quitting you.

…and:

If you haven’t already, do NOT read. Convince yourself that the series ended with Eclipse, and let your imagination run wild for what happens next (for it won’t run any wilder than Meyers). And let’s have a moment of silence for a short but brillant writing career that will never fully recover.

…and this reviewer knows the real reason Breaking Dawn and the Twilight Saga “bites” – George Bush, of course(!?!):

I am struck how low women’s roles in fantasy have sunk during the Bush administration. While Buffy was a strong and progressive leader and hero, Bella is a passive retrograde heroine that makes the women of the fifties seem feminist.

Scathing Book Reviews of Fantasy Lover (The Dark Hunter Series), by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Fantasy Lover, by Sherrilyn Kenyon, is Book 1 of what became the The Dark Hunter Series of Books. What exactly is a Dark Hunter?

Sherrilyn Kenyon’s website has the answer we seek:  “You want to know what a Dark-Hunter is? We are what the intro says. We’re Mad, Bad and Immortal. We’re ancient warriors with attitudes who fight rough, and play hard.”

Now I ask you, if that’s the author’s official  summary of the Dark Hunter series, then what need is there for a scathing review? Nevertheless, if you need more insight, here’s an official video to promote the 12th book in the Dark Hunter series Archeron.

Based upon what I’ve read, its good pulpy romantic vampire fiction, “good” being a relative term, and “pulpy” not.  Imagine an unchaste version of The Twilight Saga.  I don’t what it is about the women who like to read the Dark Hunter series and these types of novels, but the underlying theme seems to be that its easier to love a man when he’s dead.  These Scathing Book Reviews of Fantasy Lover think the series is best classified as “comedy” or “horror”:

This odious books is one of the WORSE reads I’ve ever come across. I am astonished it was published, let alone, rated so highly by other readers.

…and:

All I can say is WOW!…After reading this book, all I could do was laugh (and feel my IQ evaporating).

…and:

This book is supposed to take place in 2002 and yet one finds one self being thrown right back to the 80’s where we (let us just admit it) had no style, no taste, no understanding of quality what so ever.

…and:

Goofy, thinly disguised porn, but sort of fun if what you want is sex scenes. More “hot” than plot–Just don’t buy it for character development.

…and:

I could have overlooked [the] ridiculous characterizations were it not for the dialogue. At one point, the 29 year old heroine admonishes the hero with this crushing setdown: “Whoa, Buster!” Or how about this gem? “Holy Guacamole!” I know one woman who says things like that–my 84 year old grandmother. No sexy, current, PhD speaks like this. I know, because I am a sexy, current PhD.

…and at least one redeeming quality:

l will tell you what was good about this book. The hero is a Spartan Warrior. Awesome! Remember Brad Pitt as Achilles in “Troy”?

…and some good points, with the inevitable bemoaning of American literary standards:

There are so many things wrong with this book, I don’t even know where to start. Right away I have a problem with a sex therapist who hasn’t had sex in years and has never had a satisfying sexual experience. Perhaps she should consider some other line of work?… Honestly, I can’t understand the American reading public. Why is this book such a hit? Is this what passes for literature these days? Have our standards dropped so low? It is embarrassing.

Scathing Book Reviews of Twilight (Book 1, the Twilight Saga) by Stephanie Meyer

The Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer is one of those success stories that every publisher dreams of, and that every writer dreams of as well. One indicator of success? Over 1,800 book reviews of Twilight as of July 2008, for crying out loud! That’s 9 times as many as “The Sound and the Fury”.  If nothing else, that speaks to how deep the fangs are on this sucker, and probably something about the decline of civilization.

The Twilight Saga tells the story of starcrossed love between a woman and a bloodsucker, and no, it’s not the story of Anne Hathaway and her Con-Man boyfriend.

Nope, its that same old story, Boy Meets Girl, Girl Loves Boy, Boy’s Vampiric Blood Lust causes relationship troubles. You have to give kudos to Meyer for finding ways to mix the romantic and horror genres in a way that is profitable and fulfilling to many readers, but according to these Book Reviews, Twilight, and by extension the Twilight Saga, sucks:

Oh God. I don’t know where to start on the 2389471829 things wrong with this book.

…and:

I felt that the story itself was very boring. A girl falls in love with a good looking face to the point where she’s willing to give up all her friends, her family, her life, even her soul. Sounds like an alcoholic or a drug addict. Apparently the boy feels the same way too but he’s more in love with her smell.

…and from the same review:

It’s all pretty shallow. If Edward was fugly would she even care? Edward would be like “OMG Bella I love your smell! Plzbe my g/f!!” And Bella would be all ‘”GTFO Creep!” I glared and grimaced!’ You know I’m right!

…and:

I managed to read the first couple hundred pages, but after that it was so dull, trite and clichéd that I just skimmed along, picking up the important plot points along the way. All one of them.

…and:

It is an insult to Harry Potter to even be mentioned in the same sentence with this book.

…and:

200 pages: Nothing has happened.

300 pages: Nothing has happened.

400 pages: NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

Are you Kidding me?

…and:

I found it difficult to put the book down — except for those moments when I had to stop and shriek at my friends, “SPARKLY VAMPIRES!” or “VAMPIRE BASEBALL!” or “WHY IS BELLA SO STUPID?” These moments came increasingly often as I reached the climactic chapters, until I simply reached the point where I had to stop and flail around laughing.

…and:

This sappy vampire love story manages to validate my distaste for fantasy novels in a way I never thought possible… I would recommend this book for lovesick teenagers, but no one else should ever bother picking it up.

…and:

If you want your teenage daughters to grow up to have no self-esteem and a lifetime of abusive co-dependent relationships, then go ahead, buy this book.

…and this, short, and definitely not sparkly:

WTF? I wasn’t even able to finish this! How do people read this @$!% for entertainment?