Scathing Book Reviews of Twilight (Book 1, the Twilight Saga) by Stephanie Meyer

The Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer is one of those success stories that every publisher dreams of, and that every writer dreams of as well. One indicator of success? Over 1,800 book reviews of Twilight as of July 2008, for crying out loud! That’s 9 times as many as “The Sound and the Fury”.  If nothing else, that speaks to how deep the fangs are on this sucker, and probably something about the decline of civilization.

The Twilight Saga tells the story of starcrossed love between a woman and a bloodsucker, and no, it’s not the story of Anne Hathaway and her Con-Man boyfriend.

Nope, its that same old story, Boy Meets Girl, Girl Loves Boy, Boy’s Vampiric Blood Lust causes relationship troubles. You have to give kudos to Meyer for finding ways to mix the romantic and horror genres in a way that is profitable and fulfilling to many readers, but according to these Book Reviews, Twilight, and by extension the Twilight Saga, sucks:

Oh God. I don’t know where to start on the 2389471829 things wrong with this book.

…and:

I felt that the story itself was very boring. A girl falls in love with a good looking face to the point where she’s willing to give up all her friends, her family, her life, even her soul. Sounds like an alcoholic or a drug addict. Apparently the boy feels the same way too but he’s more in love with her smell.

…and from the same review:

It’s all pretty shallow. If Edward was fugly would she even care? Edward would be like “OMG Bella I love your smell! Plzbe my g/f!!” And Bella would be all ‘”GTFO Creep!” I glared and grimaced!’ You know I’m right!

…and:

I managed to read the first couple hundred pages, but after that it was so dull, trite and clichéd that I just skimmed along, picking up the important plot points along the way. All one of them.

…and:

It is an insult to Harry Potter to even be mentioned in the same sentence with this book.

…and:

200 pages: Nothing has happened.

300 pages: Nothing has happened.

400 pages: NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

Are you Kidding me?

…and:

I found it difficult to put the book down — except for those moments when I had to stop and shriek at my friends, “SPARKLY VAMPIRES!” or “VAMPIRE BASEBALL!” or “WHY IS BELLA SO STUPID?” These moments came increasingly often as I reached the climactic chapters, until I simply reached the point where I had to stop and flail around laughing.

…and:

This sappy vampire love story manages to validate my distaste for fantasy novels in a way I never thought possible… I would recommend this book for lovesick teenagers, but no one else should ever bother picking it up.

…and:

If you want your teenage daughters to grow up to have no self-esteem and a lifetime of abusive co-dependent relationships, then go ahead, buy this book.

…and this, short, and definitely not sparkly:

WTF? I wasn’t even able to finish this! How do people read this @$!% for entertainment?